


Fun With Dick and Jenna

by Willa Shakespeare (AnonEhouse)



Category: Blake's 7
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Crack, Gen, Humor, Innuendo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-14
Updated: 2013-05-14
Packaged: 2017-12-11 20:39:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/803026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/Willa%20Shakespeare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The entire Blake's 7 series, written as a 'Dick and Jane' primer. Only with innuendo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fun With Dick and Jenna

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

This is Roj Blake. See Blake. See Blake run from the Feds. Run, Blake, run. See the Feds catch Blake. See Blake on the spaceship London.

This is Jenna Stannis. See Jenna. See Jenna run from the Feds. Run, Jenna, run. See the Feds catch Jenna. See Jenna on the spaceship London.

This is Kerr Avon. See Avon. See Avon run from the Feds. Run, Avon, run. See the Feds catch Avon. See Avon on the spaceship London.

 

The spaceship London is very small. See the showers. They are very small. The showers have no walls. See Jenna see Blake in the showers. Blake is not small. See Jenna smile.

Jenna says, "Hello, Dick."

Blake says, "My name is not Dick. I am Roj Blake."

Jenna smiles. 

 

This is the spaceship Liberator. It is very large. It is very fast. It has big guns. Blake wants to take all his friends for a ride. Jenna wants to go fast. Avon wants to shoot the big guns. 

The Feds want the Liberator. Blake does not want to give it to them. Jenna makes the Liberator go away from the London very fast. 

Blake is happy. He has a big ship. Jenna is happy. She has a big ship and Blake. Avon is not happy. He has a big ship and Blake. 

Blake says, "We will share the big ship."

Jenna says, "I will share my room with you, Dick."

Blake says, "That would be silly. There are many rooms. And my name is not Dick."

Jenna frowns. She would like to share a room with Blake and Dick.

Avon says, "I will share my room with you, Jenna." Avon smiles.

Jenna says, "No, you will not." Jenna saw Avon in the shower, too. Jenna likes Blake better.

Avon pouts. Avon pouts very well. Jenna is almost sorry for him. 

 

Blake thinks the big ship needs more people. Jenna thinks the big ship does not need Avon. Avon thinks the big ship does not need Blake or Jenna. 

Blake is the captain. Blake gets more people. Blake gets Olag Gan. Gan is very big. Blake gets Vila Restal. Vila is very sneaky. 

Blake is happy. Jenna is happy that Blake is happy. Avon pouts.

Blake feels sorry for Avon. Blake gets Cally. Cally likes big guns, too. Blake thinks Avon and Cally will be happy together. 

Cally reads minds. Avon does not like this. Avon pouts. 

Cally likes Blake better, anyway.

Jenna pouts.

 

Blake wants to fight the Feds. Jenna wants to be friends with Blake and Dick. Avon wants to make money. No one cares what Cally and Vila and Gan want.

Blake is the captain. The Liberator fights the Feds.

Avon says, "This is silly. There are many Feds. There are only four of you."

Blake says, "It is the right thing to do. And there are five of us, even if you will not fight."

Avon says, "Vila does not count. Vila is useless."

Vila has found something nice and green to drink. Vila is very sleepy. Vila is useless. 

Avon is right. Avon is always right. Sometimes Avon has to use big guns to make people say it, but he is always right.

 

Blake feels sorry for Avon. Blake gets Orac. Orac is a computer. Most computers are useful machines. Orac says he is always right. Orac does not like Blake. Blake thinks Avon will like Orac. 

Avon likes Orac. Orac shows a home movie. It is of the Liberator being broken up into many little pieces. Avon does not like the movie. Blake, Jenna, Cally, Gan, and Vila do not like the movie.

They find a ship that looks just like the Liberator. It breaks up into many little pieces.

Blake says, "We will not ask Orac to show any more movies."

Avon says, "We could learn from movies."

Blake says, "No. They are too scary. Vila and Gan could not sleep after they saw that scary movie. They came and shared my bed. I could not sleep. Gan is very big. He squashed me. Vila is very sneaky. He took my pajamas. I was very cold."

Jenna frowns. She did not think to be scared. She could have been in bed with Dick and Blake and no pajamas.

 

The Liberator fights the Feds. Avon is right. There are too many Feds. Servalan is a very important Fed. She wants the Liberator. She chases them all over the universe. She sends Travis to chase them. Travis does not like Blake. Travis chases them all over the universe.

The Liberator goes to Earth looking for the Fed off switch. A wall falls on Gan. Blake is not happy. Blake goes for a long walk. Blake blows up a Fed space station. Blake is happy. Jenna is not happy. She still has not become friends with Dick. 

 

The Liberator finds aliens fighting the Feds. The aliens do not fight fair. The Liberator helps the Feds fight the aliens. The Liberator gets broken. Avon shoots Travis. Blake does not say 'thank you, Avon'. Avon pouts.

Blake and Jenna leave the Liberator. Cally and Vila and Avon leave the Liberator. The Liberator fixes itself. Cally and Vila and Avon come back. Blake and Jenna do not come back. Is Blake dead? No, Blake is not dead. Jenna has met Dick. Blake and Dick and Jenna went away together. Jenna is happy. Blake is happy. Dick is happy.

 

Avon has the Liberator. Blake is gone. Is Avon happy? No, Avon is not happy. Avon has the Liberator and Vila and Cally. That is not too bad. Avon has Dayna. Dayna did not see Blake in the shower. Dayna likes Avon. Avon does not mind Dayna. Avon has Tarrant. Tarrant is younger than Avon. Tarrant is taller than Avon. Tarrant has more teeth than Avon. Avon does not like Tarrant.

Tarrant is the captain. No. Avon is the captain. No. Tarrant is the captain. Orac tells Avon what Tarrant and Jarvik did together at the Fed school for wild boys. Orac tells Avon what Tarrant and Travis did together at the Fed school for wild boys. 

Avon smiles. Avon tells Tarrant what Orac told Avon.

Tarrant says, "You can be captain, Avon. Please do not tell Cally and Dayna." Tarrant is scared. "Please, please, please do not tell Vila."

Avon smiles. 

Avon is the captain.

 

Blake is gone. Avon is the captain. Does Avon take the Liberator and make lots of money? No. Avon fights the Feds. There are still many Feds. There are still only five Liberator people. 

Why does Avon fight the Feds? Avon fights the Feds because of the last thing Blake said to him. 

Blake said, "I dare you to fight the Feds."

 

Avon looks for Blake. Why does Avon look for Blake? Avon does not like Blake. 

Blake has Jenna. Blake and Dick and Jenna play all day long. Blake is happy.

 

Avon finds his Anna. Anna tries to shoot Avon. Avon shoots Anna. Servalan sees Avon shoot Anna. Servalan likes shooting people, too. Servalan wants Avon. Avon has many angry Feds chasing him all day long. Avon is not happy. 

Avon wants to make Blake not happy. That is why Avon looks for Blake.

 

Avon thinks he has found Blake. Avon is in a big hurry to make Blake not happy. Avon is in such a big hurry that he takes Liberator through the spaceship wash with the windows down. 

Blake is not there. The Liberator is dry-clean only. The Liberator melts. Dayna goes for a walk with Avon. A wall falls on Cally. Vila saves Tarrant. Orac gets bent. 

Avon is not happy. Vila saved the wrong one. Does Avon mean Cally or Orac? Vila thinks Avon means Orac. Vila is not as stupid as he looks.

 

Avon gets a new ship. It is called the Scorpio. It is very small. It does not even have small showers. Avon is hot. Gun-Sar says Avon smells like a man. Avon is not happy. Avon had many nice clothes. They were all on the Liberator when it melted.

Avon finds Soolin. Soolin is pretty. Soolin likes to play with her hair. Soolin likes to play with guns. Avon likes Soolin. Soolin shows Avon her big gun. Avon does not bother Soolin.

Soolin sews new clothes for everyone. Avon has studs on his. Tarrant has studs on his. Vila has bull's eye targets on his. Dayna sews her own. Dayna puts bombs in hers. 

The Scorpio fights the Feds. The Scorpio is very, very small. The Scorpio does not have big guns. Does the Scorpio have little guns? I do not know, do you? The Scorpio has a computer named Slave that is always very, very scared. I think Slave is right to be scared, don't you?

 

Avon is tired of fighting the Feds. Avon would like a hot shower and a nice nap. Avon would like Servalan to go chase someone else.

Avon thinks it is Blake's turn to fight the Feds. Avon asks Orac to find Blake. Orac finds Blake on Soolin's home planet.

Soolin says, "I do not want to go home. There are too many trees. The twigs get caught in my hair. There are crawly bugs, too."

Vila says, "I do not want to go. I do not like bugs."

Tarrant says, "I do not want to go. I do not want to take orders from Blake." Tarrant thinks taking orders from Avon is enough.

Dayna says, "I do not want to go. I am busy making bombs."

Avon says, "We will all go. I put Dayna's bombs all over our base. They will blow up in ten minutes."

Tarrant says, "I will get Scorpio warmed up."

 

Soolin's home planet is called Gauda Prime. It is a little planet where everyone tries to shoot everyone else. Soolin tells them this. Orac tells them the Feds are coming to Gauda Prime. Orac tells them Blake is a bounty hunter. Orac tells them almost everyone on Gauda Prime is a bounty hunter.

Everyone on Scorpio knows everyone on Gauda Prime will try to shoot them. Scorpio goes to Gauda Prime. Scorpio gets shot down. Everyone is surprised.

Avon saves Orac. Dayna and Vila and Soolin hold hands and save themselves. Tarrant flies Scorpio into the ground.

 

Blake finds Tarrant. Blake is dirty. Blake has a bad eye. Tarrant is hurt. Tarrant is not happy. Blake tells Tarrant that Jenna is dead. Blake and Dick are not happy.

 

Avon finds Dayna and Vila and Soolin. They go to Blake's hidden base. It is so well hidden that Avon follows Blake home.

Blake tells Tarrant scary stories. Blake thinks this is funny. Tarrant runs away. Tarrant finds Avon and Dayna and Soolin and Vila. Tarrant tells Avon the scary story Blake told Tarrant.

Blake finds Avon. Blake is not happy. Avon is not happy. Avon asks Blake if the scary story is true. Blake does not say, "No, Avon. The scary story is not true." Blake says, "It's me, Blake." Avon can see it is Blake. That is not what Avon asked.

Avon asks Blake to stand still. Blake comes closer. That is not what Avon asked.

Avon asks Blake again. Is the scary story true?

Blake says, "Tarrant is stupid." That is not what Avon asked.

Avon thinks Tarrant is stupid. Avon does not think that Tarrant tells stories. Avon asks Blake again.

Blake says, "I set all this up." That is not what Avon asked.

Avon is tired of asking questions. Avon has a big gun. When Avon shoots a big gun he is always right. Avon shoots Blake. Blake is big. Blake is strong. Blake keeps walking. Avon shoots Blake again. Blake is big. Blake is strong. Blake keeps walking. Avon shoots Blake a third time. Blake is big. Blake is strong. Blake is not that big and strong. Blake falls down.

Avon looks at Blake. The Feds come in and shoot Dayna. Avon looks at Blake. The Feds shoot Vila. Avon looks at Blake. The Feds shoot Soolin. Avon looks at Blake. 

Tarrant says, "Avon!"

Avon looks at Tarrant. The Feds shoot Tarrant. Avon looks at Blake. Avon thinks that it has been a very long day. He never got his hot shower. He never got his nap. Avon is very cranky. Avon should have had his nap.

Avon steps over Blake. He does not want to get blood all over his shiny boots. He looks down at Blake. Blake does not move. Blake is even less happy than Avon. Avon looks up. There are many Feds all around him. They are very polite. They do not point their guns at Avon. They do not shout at Avon. They do not even make little finger gestures at Avon. Avon decides he will take his long nap now. Avon aims his big gun at the nearest Fed. 

Avon smiles.


End file.
